Right, we’ve got theatrical excitement and hopes for 2025 out in the world, now I wanted to share something a little more personal – some commitments I want to make for myself, hopes I have, things I want to strive for this new year. I’ve come to the conclusion lately that I like to “talk the talk” – I’m very good and fond of saying “I would love to” or “I’m going to do” all manner of things, but have trouble following through. I know there’s a lot of stuff I have to work through on that score regarding my fear of failure, rejection and imposter syndrome. In that spirit, I wanted to write this, if for no other reason than an effort to hold myself accountable, and also try and get better at practising self care: being kinder to myself and remind myself of my progress, even in those inevitable times I feel like I haven’t made any!

So, if I may…

2025 Will Be

The year I write consistently– With my blog, I know that, for even longer than I want to think about, I haven’t given it the attention or time I want to; because I struggle a lot with giving myself the permission to be creative – I’ve always been thinking “surely I should be doing something more “productive” with my time (job applications, in the main) and then when the time did come when I do feel motivated and energised, especially where my theatre content is concerned, I get stuck in one of two cycles: “it’s redundant now because too much time has passed” and the familiar chestnut: “why bother, no-one reads it anyway”. Both of these have been awful for my mindset and I want so badly to break this habit of comparing myself to my peers and start believing that I am worthy of having the space I’ve been trying to make for myself. A friend and I were talking about my creative endeavours recently (more on those shortly) and I mentioned how demoralising I find my imposter syndrome. They reminded me “just do what you love, follow your passions and the right people will follow”. I want to hold onto that, even if the “right people” just sometimes means for myself.

I’ve also had an idea for a novel rattling around in my head that I want to try and get out of there and onto paper, but we all know that’s going to be a challenge given my tendencies to struggle with giving myself permission and my perfectionism – I’ve tried so many times to get going with it and constantly find myself writing, yelling “I hate it” and deleting everything, then the sight of the empty document just frustrates me even more because I question “well, if I was really excited about and thought this idea was good, surely it shouldn’t be this hard to get the words down?”

That’s why I’m going to start playing around with writing prompts more and carving out regular time to write, even if it’s for a set bare minimum time every week, and building up a healthier mindset and relationship with my creativity.

The year I “properly” start and grow my business – In January of last year, I found out I didn’t pass my probationary period in my role I had with an organisation in my dream industry. Though it was a mutually respectful parting and I can look back now and say it probably was for the best, I felt like I’d let myself and the brilliant people I met and worked with there down, and like a failure as I’d finally found the place where I wanted to be professionally, and could see myself wanting to grow and learn there.

Later that same year, I was pointed in the direction of a company and team called Accessibility Partners, who have been giving me invaluable support and mentorship to pursue self-employment because I was tired of the cycle of “we like you, but” my career had been up until that point ( suffice to say all three of my paid jobs have ended with some variant of that conversation) I registered as self-employed in June of 2024 and am really excited for 2025 to be the year I build on the groundwork I’ve been laying and throwing myself into a new venture and seeing where it might lead.

The year I want to try to make new friends – I’ve always believed that it’s harder making friends as an adult, and I would also argue even moreso as a disabled adult like me because you’re navigating life in a society that, more often than not, isn’t set up for you to do so with ease, both in terms of physical accessibility and people’s attitudes. I generally find my life in Bristol quite isolating because of both of those factors and the arrangements I have with my care; that’s a huge part of why I go to London so much: it’s the foundation of my social life and my close friends are there. This year, I want to see if I can take steps to change that and make more friends locally.

The year I want to learn a new skill or find a new hobby –This is linked to the previous one, and I suppose one may lead to the other. I know that I love the theatre, to read and write creatively, but I’ve always wondered about and wanted to see if there was something new I could try, learn, enjoy and find my “tribe” to enjoy it with. For example, I’ve been wanting to learn to play chess, and practise the languages I’ve been learning (French, Spanish and a little Welsh) with people in real life, not just on an app.

The biggest challenge with that, as I alluded to before, is going to be finding something and somewhere that’s accessible to me as a wheelchair user and, ultimately, something that works within the logistics I have to deal with around my care. I’m not averse to things being online, but I feel my mental health would be in a much better place if I could get to the point where I was able to get out and about more as well.

The year I will meet my reading goal – I read regularly and have loved it for as long as I can remember, and in 2022 and 2024, I set my Goodreads Reading Challenge goal for the year at 50 books. I’ve fallen short both times, I think the old struggle with permission that I face with my writing comes into play in my reading too and so this year I am endeavouring to hit my magic number…

The year I want to expand the podcast – Though it may not seem like it given the scant posting, I actually really like doing the podcast still and want to make it more consistent. In the latter stages of 2024 I started coming up with ideas to expand it beyond theatre to other aspects of my life, and these thoughts got me really excited and I’m going to see if I can turn them into concrete plans and realities.

The year I will say “yes” more – Access and logistics permitting, I want to say “yes” more – in work, in play and in life generally! I want to feel able to be more curious and adventurous, maybe take more risks and see where that takes me and my relationships!

The year I stop chasing and focus on the ones that matter – I’ve always thought of myself as a good friend; I try as much as I can to be there for people in every way I can, and people often tell me my empathy is one of my strongest qualities. Yet I feel, more often than I’m actually ok with, that the onus is on me when it comes to keeping up many of those friendships. I’m the one who reaches out first, the one who suggests “how about we…”, the one who says she’s ok with being repeatedly cancelled on last minute when it actually hurts like hell, and yet will always keep trying because I want to be kind and understand that life happens. This year though, I want to stop putting my energy into chasing  those people and focus on the ones where friendship doesn’t feel like a one way street.

The year I tackle my internalised ableism – This is probably going to feed into some other things on this list. As a disabled person, I deal with ableism within society every day. However, I don’t think I’ve properly spent time unpacking and addressing how much of that I’ve internalised and the impact it has on me. I’d like to get to a place this year where I feel happier, more confident in and at peace with myself.

What are you wanting to focus/work on in this new year? Whatever it is, I wish you a happy, healthy and adventurous 2025! Remember you can keep in touch (reading recommendations and writing wisdom especially gratefully recieved) with me on my socials:

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